What we think about marriage

What We Think About Marriage

We never realized about this until we started planning for our own wedding. (Yes, we are getting married soon!!!) We found that people in general, are confused between marriage and the wedding party. It almost feels like without the glamorous party, there is no one getting married.

For us, marriage is just a way that people commit to each other. It’s a thing between the two when they’re saying “Hey, let’s do everything together from now on”. We can build our own house, we can travel around, we can live together without being judged, or have the kids of our own. We can do whatever we want, together. It’s like starting a new life…

We remember when we told a relative of ours that we’re getting married, and the first thing she asked was “So have the two of you done the pre-wedding photo shoot?” And we said, “Uhm, we don’t know. It feels optional for us, so maybe we won’t do it at all” And then she said “What do you mean by ‘you won’t’??”

She is just so confused! Just like everyone.

It feels like there is a certain ‘standard‘ way of getting married. Oh, you have to do this, and that. It’s important. Or else… we don’t know what else, that’s just the way it is. No one is getting married without the photo shoot.

We personally think that the whole wedding procession, including the famous wedding kiss, is optional. You don’t have to do that in front of others if you don’t feel like doing it. No one has the right to tell you exactly what to do on your very special day, or on any other day, really.

We were quite surprised about how much resources are usually wasted for one wedding party. There are tons of checklists to spend your money on like wedding dress, suit, makeup, food, invitation, decoration, photographers, lighting, music, and the list never ends. There’s always something more if you want to take it to another level.

What about the cost? Here’s what we found. 

Renting wedding dress is expensive. If you want a decent one, it costs around IDR 10 mio (USD 750) and up. It’s heavy and not comfortable. A decent suit costs around IDR 4 mio (USD 300) and up. While in fact, all of our clothes combined doesn’t even worth that much. Why would we want to rent such gown for a one night show?

And then there’s wedding makeup which is just as pricey as the gown. If you want to look flawless on your ‘special’ day, you are expected to be paying around IDR 5 mio (USD 380) and up. Sharon doesn’t even own makeup that much. And if she had to choose, she’d rather spend that IDR 5 mio buying makeup stuff and learn how to do it herself rather than having someone else does her makeup on her wedding day. But she’ll do it anyway because the rest of the society does it. And because she wants to look good on her special day.

The wedding cake is mostly made of styrofoams because you want to impress people that you want your cake to be super tall and huge. And fully decorated that it makes you look like you’re having a royal wedding party. But you don’t. You just pretend to have one.

And then there’s singers, band, lighting, decoration, Master of Ceremony, and many other expected unnecessary cost.

How do we feel about it?

We don’t know yet, but we think we won’t enjoy the ceremony and/or the party. It’s too much work, too many people involved, too many labors wasted, for.. we don’t know what for. It’s really weird. But we’ll just see.

Because at the end, we just personally learn to accept it. To learned to embrace it. Think about it as our parent’s party, not ours, where they’re celebrating… us. When this is probably their last time to show people “hey, this is our son/daughter. Look how great they are together!”. Think of it as a day when we’ll be surrounded by special people, people who matters to us and who’ll be happy for our next life. It can’t be that bad, can it? We learned to take it easy because it’s just easier to breathe when we spread the love in the air.





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18 thoughts on “What We Think About Marriage”

  1. I have really mixed feelings about (Indonesian) wedding parties. I don’t particularly enjoy it that much what with all the crowd and also the “check list” things – though they do symbolize love and romance, sometimes it doesn’t seem that way and it looks awkward, you know what I mean? But there are also those who go through this “check list” wedding and look genuinely happy, I think that’s what matters. I can tell when the bride and groom really enjoy their party. I hope you both enjoy yours, whichever way you choose to celebrate 😀

    1. I totally agree with you kak Aggy! There’s nothing wrong with the party. Some people dream about it, some people try so hard to avoid it. Yang salah adalah kalau ada yang memaksakan kehendak. We’re trying to provide both ‘parties’ needs right now, which is kinda hard. But that’s okay as long as no one’s getting hurt 😉

  2. Your points are right!
    My husband and I also agreed not to have a reception at all, but we were “forced” by parents and surrounding people to do so. It made us thinking why spend and waste money for any strangers in our own life (both of us, ofc). Not all of the invitees know us (personally), and they are just relatives for us, not family.
    Everytime others discuss this topic, I remember my beloved husband said this:
    “This might not be the best wedding ever, but I promise you, this is the best marriage ever.”
    For all that matters, it depends on both of you. Hope you have a happiest marriage, dearest Sharon and Fred!

    1. LOL! We are actually kinda surprised that this kind of situation does not only happen to us! A lot of our friends actually feels the same way. And a lot of parents react in the same way.

      It’s good that you’ve passed through that and hey! Look how happy you, your husband, and your baby James are now!

      Thank you for your wishes, Nov! *hugs*

  3. You could always go and have another personal ceremony somewhere else later that is more special and less stressful for you. Like one of those drivethru weddings in Vegas or something.

  4. Setuju pake banget, anggaran merid di kota besar Indo skrg minimum 200-300 juta all in, mendingan uangnya buat backpackneymoon kaya Adam + Susan aja bujet sgitu bisa 1/2 RTW kali yaaa.. anyway, sukses ya preparationnya 😉

    1. Hi Bu Cathy!
      It’s been a while. No of course not. I don’t think it’s acceptable in Indonesia, to be honest. But I’m not sure.

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